Anaïs Nin Myth of the Day #9

Myth #9: Anaïs Nin kept a continuous diary from age 11 to her death.

Fact: Beginning in 1914, when Anaïs Nin and her family departed Spain for New York, after having lived temporarily with her estranged father’s parents, she began recording daily events in a notebook given to her by her mother. Nin would later famously say that her intention was to write her father an extended “letter” that she hoped would entice him back.

The diary became the centerpiece of the young Anaïs’s life, and she continued the practice of recording her innermost thoughts and impressions in bound notebooks for a good portion of her adult life. Of course, the diaries she kept during her tumultuous years in Paris with Henry Miller became the basis for her fame as a writer when they were finally released in the mid-1960s. What most did not know then was that Nin had given up the daily practice of diary writing some twenty years previous.

After war forced Nin, her husband Hugh Guiler, and many of her circle, including Miller and Gonzalo Moré, to New York around 1940, she became desperately depressed for years, yearning for the “ideal” lover, success in her art of writing, and eventually descended into a downward spiral of failed love affairs and failed books. She began to express a desire to be free from the diary.

On September 25, 1943, she recorded in her unpublished diary: “I wish I could write the END to the Diary and turn to the outside story,” meaning that she felt her creativity was being sucked dry, which was a theme that had been pounded into her head by the likes of Miller, psychoanalyst Otto Rank, and Gore Vidal.

On September 25, 1943, she wrote: “What a potent awakener the Diary is. As I get ready to leave it, I pay it a slight tribute. This should be the last volume [it turned out she would write one more]. At forty I enter a new maturity, stripped of my mirages, dreams and miracles, of my delusions and illusions and my heavy romantic sorrows. What awaits me is the expression of this strength, in action. I am about to lay down my magician’s wand, my healer’s paraphernalia…and to confront the act, in writing as well as in living. Without the diary…the tortoise shell, houseboat and escargot cover. No red velvet panoply over my head, no red carpet under my feet, no Japanese umbrellas growing on the hair, no stage settings, tricks, enchantments…”

On March 13, 1946, she wrote: “This Diary will end when I find the [ideal] lover.”

On April 1, 1946: “I may perhaps attain freedom from the diary itself, from watching myself live, from having to make stories to make it more marvelous. Freedom from my idealized self, the idealization of others.”

Indeed, by the time Nin made her cross-country trip with her “ideal” lover, Rupert Pole, in 1947, she had abandoned the idea of bound diaries altogether, opting to write occasional descriptions of events on loose paper and keep them in folders along with correspondence and articles. After she became famous in the 1960s and into the early 1970s, her diary became what she called the “diary of others,” since she had no time to write new material. She essentially stopped writing in the 1970s, including fiction.

However, as death approached and she came to grips with it, she kept two hardbound diaries in which she handwrote her thoughts on life and death. One volume was the “Book of Music,” the other the “Book of Pain,” presenting both sides of her final years—the joy of living and the struggle with the cancer that would kill her.

Book of Music (L) and Book of Pain

Book of Music (L) and Book of Pain

Comments

4 Responses to “Anaïs Nin Myth of the Day #9”
  1. kelly says:

    Will her diaries, Book of Music/Pain be published? Love your site by the way.

  2. Thank you for your comment. At this time there are no plans to publish either the ‘Book of Music’ or the ‘Book of Pain.’

  3. rosi says:

    i remember the day i met anais nin in miss aldan’s classroom.
    it was lunchtime, crowded and me being shy,i left soon.
    daisy was a wonderful inspiration who encouraged usto dream.
    i was sixteen and forever writing and drawing.
    i just learned of her passing.she will always be there her smile
    giacondalike in our memories.
    i have recently retired from 30 years of teaching illustration in the city.
    i hope that my students will remember me with as much fondness,40
    years later. i would love a copy of her book, please let me know how to get one
    by the way, did she ever complete her book”golden child”. i bumped into her
    a few years after graduating art &design and she mentioned this to be her
    next project. the 60′s were such a happy time,the last innocent generation in so
    many ways.

  4. Thank you for your memory, Rosi. I am not aware of Daisy’s work entitled The Golden Child. If I find anything out, I’ll let you know. You can obtain a free copy of Daisy’s collected poems by sending your address to orders@skybluepress.com.

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